Despair Described

by Dale on Jul.13, 2009, under Interest, Thoughts

I recently watched a Nat Geo special on the world’s toughest prisons.  One of the prisons that was covered was Lurigancho Prison in Peru.  10,000 prisoners with only 100 guards.  This incredible disparity leaves no choice to the prison officials but to put some governing responsibilities of the prison populace into the hands of the prisoners themselves.

This has created a system of precincts.  You are assigned to a precinct, mostly based on geographic origin, and that becomes your protection and your government.  Being that there are several of these precincts and that they are usually at odds this is a very dangerous place.

If you find yourself at odds with your precinct due to violence, disobeying precinct laws, stealing, etc., you will be put out of the precinct.  This, effectively, makes you an outcast among the outcasts.  You have no protection.  You have no food source.  You have nobody.

I was struck while listening to one of these outcasts among outcasts describe his life.  His name was Carlos.  He was interviewed the morning after he was beaten up by other prisoners so that they could steal his jacket.  On top of his outcast status, he was also HIV positive.  His statement struck me as one of the most accurate and transparent descriptions of despair I have ever heard.  This statement he made was between long pauses and tears.

Everything has left me.  I’m alone.  No family, no friends.  Sometimes I want everything.  It ends. (translation: sometimes I want everything to end) I want to wake up and maybe it was a dream.  I don’t have help from nobody.

What a profound lack of hope.  Do we have anything to offer him?


3 Comments for this entry

  • jess
    July 13th, 2009 on 1:06 pm

    Wow, remind me not to commit a felony in Peru. I want to hear *your* thoughts on this, Dale. Always glad to see your blog pop up in my reader!

    Reply
    • Dale
      July 13th, 2009 on 2:19 pm

      Hmm…..my thoughts. I would say that the reason Carlos’ comments stood out to me was that I get it. Not to say that I’ve ever approached his levels of isolation, but I think I can extrapolate from my experiences the feelings that he feels.

      For me the imagery that stands out is the longing for a dream world. A few years back I posted something similar that expressed the same deep desire that reality not be real. Of course, that is a vain hope and though I don’t live with feelings like that all the time they are emotions that aren’t soon forgotten.

      Carlos said “I’m alone.” And really, that is our innate fear…that we are alone. That nobody is “for” us. In Donnie Darko he said “I don’t want to die alone.” While others in the film said “Every living creature dies alone.” In the end, can anything be done to prevent this fate from becoming Carlos’ inevitable end.

      It just sucks….those are my thoughts.

      btw…good to hear from you!

      Reply
  • jen
    July 13th, 2009 on 7:30 pm

    …maybe someday, you will be able to say that your life is a dream come true…again…

    wish things were different…

    <3

    Reply

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